Imam Hussein Returns to Protest Regime

Given that tomorrow is Ashura, I though I would write an Onion-eque article about Imam Hussein to lighten things up:

Imam Hussein has returned on Ashura to join the protests against the regime in Iran. Hussein, the grandson of the prophet Muhammad who was killed in an epic battle in Karbala in 668, said that he returned in order to fight the current oppressive regime.

“I fought against tyranny and injustice in Karbala, and I must return to fight tyranny and injustice today,” adding, “the level of oppression was so high in Iran, I could no longer just watch from up high.”

Hussein could be seen protesting in Tehran wearing a Green wrist band and marching with fellow opponents of the regime. He shouted “Ya Hussein! Mir Hussein!” to show support for himself and opposition figure Mir Hussein Mousavi. He also shouted “Tehran is Karbala Today!” and “Khamenei is Yazid!” in reference to his own battle against the 7th century dictator.

Other protesters seemed surprised to see the Third Imam of Shii Islam, but cheered Hussein joining their struggle. “At first I couldn’t believe who it was, but I started to shout ‘Ya Hussein!’ when it sunk in” said one protester. Another stated, “I always knew the Green Movement represented true Islam, but it was just amazing to see Imam Hussein out there.”

The regime quickly blasted Hussein by saying that he was an agent of the West. “It is clear that Hussein has been paid by the English government through BBC Persian to do a Velvet Revolution in Iran in order to subvert Islam and cause violence” said an Iranian regime official before ordering Basiji militiamen to beat reporters gathered at a press conference.

Yet Hussein is confident that this current struggle against oppression will be more successful than his last stand. “I stood up against tyranny in the face of impossible odds because it was the right thing to do then. Today standing up to tyranny is still the right thing to do, but the odds are far from impossible. The people of Iran are following in my tradition and they will be successful.”